I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
In other news, I just burned my penis
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
