Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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