she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
