$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
