I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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