But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
