I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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