Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
