Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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