Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
