It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
