is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
