Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
