I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
now i know why i became what i already was.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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