I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
