Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
