everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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