whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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