She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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