i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
