Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
