How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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