My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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