I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
