How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
