she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Someone came in the potted fern
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
false alarm, still single
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