Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
