you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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