My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
