I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
