so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
people are starting to question the shark bite story
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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