One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
