Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
