If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
