You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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