he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
