He kissed a someone with a penis
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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