dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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