so explain again why im purple
no
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
