Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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