Betty ford says i'm here all night
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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