Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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