They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize