Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
