operation have a gay friend backfired
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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