based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
