She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
