wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
