I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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