I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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