This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
