He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize