don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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