i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
