I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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