Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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