I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
