Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
