what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i love accidental penises.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she peed on how many people?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
