new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
