He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize