What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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