pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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