escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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