There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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