Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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