Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
