ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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