he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
