I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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