We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
