I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
worst night to have a conscience
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
