The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
