I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
