I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
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