Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You took a bar mat shot.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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