oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
